Cringe…

Throw up…

Curl up….

Die….

I am in so much pain it’s insane. I am at 8 of 10 right now. 8 OuT Of 10!!!! GEEZ.

The heating / naprosyn combo is doing nothing. nothing.

I feel likeI’m in labor. Seriously.

I have a call in to the nurses at my gyno’s but they are booked solid today. I know the ER will be pointless and just suck my money from me. I don’t know what to do. 

Everyone keeps telling me to call off work but I can’t. I need the money. And I don’t want a point for calling in.

I just don’t know what to do. It hurts. I don’t know if it’s a cyst - but I’ve had thsoe and this doesn’t feel like that. My pelvis is very heavy and bloated. It feels like something is sitting on my lower abdomen. I can’t stop peeing or doing number 2. I have pain in my back and down my legs. And it feels like something is crawling out of my vagina. I know TMI, but sorry.

HELP ME!!! 

I’m in so much pain this morning, it’s crazy! My sleep was restless with nasty pelvic pain and the muscles in my lower back tightening into balls of hell. I’m stuck clutching a heating pad on my lower abdomen and feeling like it’s all a lost cause. It’s times like this I want to walk into the docs office and shout “TAKE IT OUT ALREADY!” It’s rather possible that I could have a gun clutched in my hand, threatening to shoot until I get what I want. And I don’t know if a hysterectomy would solve the pain issues. For some it does, for other’s it doesn’t. Just like the Mirena works for some and not others. But I can’t figure it out. Why is the Mirena suddenly causing so much pain when it had been doing so well. And I still haven’t had a period. I’m confused.

And I just want to be pain free. I slept without a heating pad and was in agony all night. But even this morning, the heat doesn’t seem to work. I checked my Mirena strings and it’s still in place. At this point I’m not sure which action to take. I don’t want to run to the docs every time my endo acts up. Geez, if I were to do that I would be supporting their mortgages.

More later - if I survive this pain.

I am in so much pain right now I think I may go crazy! I feel like hell warmed over.

I have been having very mild pelvic discomfort since Friday. I bought some of those stick-on heating pads for menstrual cramps, slapped one on, and then went about my life. My original hypothesis: an ovarian cyst. I get them all the time so why not?

Well, my discomfort wasn’t bad at all on Saturday but on Sunday, it started creeping to the pain catagory. Again, I slap on a heating pad and go about my day. But this morning I wake up in nasty pain. I have a heating pad on and have taken a naprosyn 500 mg. and I’m STILL in pain! I don’t know what to make of it. I mean I am now at a 7 out of 10 and have pain radiating down my leg. I also have a nasty brown discharge, which means I may be starting my period. Who knows. But I haven’t had my period in months and don’t really want it!

So I went to my health insurances web site where they have this self-medical evaluation system. It’s very user friendly. I clicked on pelvic pain and discharge and then followed all the questions, answering them honestly. And it gave me three very likely possible reasons for my pain, according to the system at least. These were, in descending order of probability: Ectopic Pregnancy, PID, and Ovarian Cancer. WHAT!?!?!?! Yeah, these sound lovely.

I’m just going to wait it out and hope one of the self-help measures I’m using will help soon. I hate to phone my gyno’s because they will say to come in.

More later, most likely. Unless this hell stops and I can resume my normal life. Although, I still have cleaning and homework to do so I will trudge through the pain until I pass out, I guess.

A new blog, a new purpose, a fresh start.

I’ve moved and I’m heading back for my school return on Friday. Oy! Seeing as my endometriosis has moments of flare and sleep, and if I were to only write about my endometriosis on this new blog, then I would have great spurts and then times of no posts. I don’t want to do that to my readers. I can’t promise every post will be about endometriosis. With this new blog, I plan on writing about everything in my life.

As the clock is ticking down for my school return and I promised myself I would do some writing while on break, I’m taking the remainder of the day to write. I think I’m going to start writing a collection of short stories about my life. Why? Well, I write all this fiction and it’s sweet and all, but when people hear my real-life garbage (things I don’t find interesting seeing as I’ve lived it) they always say, “you should write about that!” So, I’m taking their friendly advice and doing a memoir. It’s worked for other non-famous people (although I don’t plan on pulling a James Frey). No, my book will be about the raw me. The me I never let people see because the wounds are still bleeding. Writing, after all, is free therapy.

I’ve been meaning to post the pictures from my laparoscopy since I began this blog. I had my surgery on September 12, 2006 in the morning hours of a brisk Illini autumn. Endometriosis was found on various pelvic organs and was lasered off. There was also some found in my uterus - adenomyosis. I’ve had these surgical snap shots lingering on my shelf since and have been combing the web in search of others like it. I have found some.

They’ve been tucked away for months until now, as the pain begins again even with the Mirena hanging out in my uterus. And it makes me wonder, with such a chronic condition would I just be better off living through this daily hell of heating pad and NSAID therapy or a hysteroctomy. My mom had a hysterectomy at my age and I lived the hell she went through with the various menospause symptoms. It’s like chosing between one hell and another hell. And it stinks!

But - here is four pics from my surgery. They are of adhesions on my bowel from the critter we call ENDO. I’m sure this is the reason I am now having a constant, daily battle with abdominal pain and constipation.

 If you would like to see the pictures and their descriptions go HERE.

As you all can see, I’ve moved from Blogger to WordPress. WordPress offers more options and themes and lovely extras that I just couldn’t find at Blogger. I’ll be moving my old posts to this blog in an archived format as soon as I can figure out how to do that. I’m not a big techy person, so bear with me.