Dysautonomia has a way of sneaking in like a thief, rearing it’s ugly head unannounced and stealing the fun and productivity from my day.
This day is proving difficult as I slug through the haze of dizzying low blood pressure. As I move about, my heart racing and my body exhausted, my head pounds trying to keep up. There is always too much to do on days like this — work, Christmas prep, what have you.
Why must I feel miserable?
Instead of being at this desk working, I would rather be curled under a blanket asleep. I can’t. Dysautonomia doesn’t ask when it would be a convenient time to call. It just pops in for tea. And then it stays here until it wants to leave, outstaying it’s welcome every time.
Oh, I hate it! I’m dizzy to the point of nausea every time I stand up. My blood pressure is low. I’m monitoring it, making sure it doesn’t get “too low.” My head aches, my heart’s beating like a bass drum. At times, I’m breathless. And I’m EXHAUSTED… just siting here, in front of a computer, typing, I’m exhausted. Somehow, I don’t think this is fair.
I have to watch this syncope closely, making sure I don’t faint. And I have to be mindful, keeping an eye on possible seizure signs… of which I’ve have many small seizures already this morning. Hopefully a big one isn’t around the corner. If I lose consciousness I don’t know what I’ll do. I’m alone. The last time I hit my head and ended up a with concussion…
I just want to go back to bed.
