Yeah - S wants me to move the surgery up. OK. Fine. Whatever.

So I call K - the lady who schedules the surgeries. OK? She calls me back this afternoon and says that she can’t reschedule me until I’ve talked to Dr. K on the 15th and find out what she decides to do. WTF?!?! I’m getting so discouraged. I’m thinking - great, here I am planning everything, getting sitters lined up, putting my ducks in rows, etc, and what Dr. K gonna say, no? And why is it my age? Dr K had no problem with my age in March! It has to be these new medical conditions I’ve aquired over the summer. Can we say bigger surgical risk? Oh, goody! Then tell me what to do so I can have the surgery. Lose 30 pounds? Man, I’ll be exercising 3 hours a day! Unfortunatly there’s nothing I can do to drop the meds, though. The conditions I have are chronic. At least not the Trigeminal neuralgia - or at least that I know of. But I’ll jump through whatever hoops I have to. Why? Because right now I’m hopped up on vicodin, crying my eyes out in pain. This is utterly terrible. And hey, I’ll meet her half way. I’m willing. If she says “look, I’m willing to go in, take your left ovary and tube and burn all the endo I see but leave the uterus as long as it’s ok.” I’ll say fine. It’s not like I’m jumping around enthusiastic about menopause, ok. It will buy me some time - maybe 6 years or so like my mom.

But I’ll have to tell her what happened to my mom, and why that does worry me.

They took everything but one ovary out so my mom wouldn’t go through menopause. They thought they got all the endo, too. Then 6 years later my mom nearly died on the operating table because her other ovary had become necrotic. When they opened her up the surgeon said she literally filled with endo. All over her bowel and bladder and cul de sac. It took 2 surgeries to excise it all! They removed the dead ovary and saved my moms life. She says she wishes now she would’ve just chose menopause. When I asked what I should do - she said have them both removed.

This is what my u/s report said, according to the doctor:

1) enlarged uterus containing one IUD.

2) A cyst that hasn’t changed since January 08.

3) Free fluid in the cul de sac.

I am supposed to call my doctor in the morning. Goodie. Time to take my vicodin.

I’m in pain - been since yesterday - well since, what last week or 2. It’s that darn cyst! I assume.

I haven’t been able to eat or drink much in the past 2 day because I’m like early pregnancy queasy. Yesterday, for the first 3 hours upon waking up I couldn’t keep anything down! Now I just can’t stomach anything. Hubby took me to walk in clinic, and a really nice nurse took me in a room and explained that at walk-in clinic they pretty much have the capacitity to deal with flu’s, coughs, ear infections, and bladder infections, etc. Then she said she would go ahead and test my urine (for free - how nice) to see if it was a bladder infection, or possible kidney infection causing my flank pain. See, around 9 last night I started having nasty sharp pain all along my left side. With heating pad help, I was able to fall asleep. Woke up at one point during the night and thought I was going to vomit. Got back to sleep only to wake up worse off and with that pain still there - and the ovary pain! I barerly scarfed down a small donut so I could take my morning meds, but my beloved morning coffee wasn’t liking me. I took three sips and wasn’t having anymore.

So around 10, after being uncomfortable, I made the hubby cart me to walk-in-clinic. They couldn’t do anything other than dip urine for infection - which at least I know it’s not an infection, which if what I figured I had. I thought maybe I have an infection and that’s what making this cyst hurt so much? But the nurse urged me to go to ER. And I might as the day wears on. I told my husband I will go to ER if A) I start throwing up more (ie. actual food again and not this dry heaving crap) B) the pain gets worse or C) I start running a fever. But until then he took my son to see Star Wars: Clone Wars and my sister took my daughter and I’m going to take a nap. Then if I feel like it, which I better, I need to do some PR homework that I’ve been trying to do for 2 days but can’t seem to focus on—- hmmm I wonder why???

I got a call yesterday late afternoon from K at Dr.’s office.

Apparently they have these like round table meetings to discuss all the upcoming surgeries in a month - I know how things work - so I wasn’t shocked, but I was still not sure why she was calling me. The first thought was “crap. It’s being cancelled.”

Dr. wants to have a sit down with me on Sept. 15th to discuss the hysterectomy. Of frackin’ lovely! I’m not an idiot. I know what’s brought this on.

When I went for the cyst and saw S (who I don’t like but L was leaving for good and I can no longer see her ever again) and was told it was time for hysterectomy time, S became all “you know you’re young… blah blah blah…” and then commented that she was going to talk to Dr. about this. Great. I had this ironed out already with Dr. and L in March!!!! *doing my best kid stomping and throwing a fit dance* What is the problem now? Is it my age? Really? I can give you a list of women I’ve talked to — including a current teacher of mine, who’ve had this done in their 20’s. Is is my laundry list of medical conditions? Fine, if my doctor doesn’t clear me, then we’ll find something else to manage this. But there will be something done! Even if they just go in and take that ovary out, it will get done!!!

Right now I’m just frustrated - which seems to me a reccuring theme! I’m working on homework, my son road the bus to his first full day of school, I’m returning to work this afternoon, and I’m in pain. I’m, frankly, an emotional wreck at this point! I so don’t need the headache from the Dr’s giving me trouble over this surgery. Why can’t it all just fall neatly into place and work like it should???

This post will be short and sweet.

My semester started yesterday. Gulp. My son began his first day of kindergarten this morning. Tears. I’m so busy I can’t begin to fathom the business. My daughter still isn’t getting used to her glasses. Ugh.

School - I have 4 classes this semester. No where the insane 7 class load from last semester, so it would probably feel like a cake walk if I weren’t trying to shorten it into 2.5 months. Right? But I want out of school and if I can shorten this semester, then I can return early. And if I can return early the next semester then I’ll graduate early (yay!). But I’ll still come back and walk in May. Why? Because I earned it. My brother in law went to college four years and graduated early like I may do. He began working and on graduation day he want and watched his best bud walk. What? He wasn’t interested in walking. Dude, I would’ve been like “give me that cap and gown and watch me strut my stuff!” And with the grades I’m managing at this insanely tough private school - I think I’ve earned it. Ok. When it’s 1 am and I’m tired, I’ve got half a page left to write on a paper or a few pages left to read in a chapter, I think of that cap and gown and that ceremony and it keeps me going. It’s my goal. Only one cousin in my family has graduated college, so I’ll be my grandma’s second grandkid to graduate. None of her kids did it. A couple of her grandkids have 2 year degrees, but they are in liberal arts and they now work in a factory. I’ll be the second one in my family to walk in a cap and gown in a University graduation ceremony. And I still can’t believe with all the crap I’ve been through since I had Erin and decided to go back to school, that I’ve maintained such excellent grades. It’s unbelievable.

But next semester I have only 3 classes and then I’m out! Graphic Novels: Cavewalls to Celluloid, Literature and Mythology, and Photojournalism. Nothing like your last semester being a handful of fun electives, right?

Ok - so this post is getting too long. I need to shorten it by signing off. I have to start my Physical Fitness homework (this class is a breeze (teachers words -not mine)).

for a change..

This was on Rebecca’s blog and it looked so neat that I just had to try it out. I think my photo mosaic turned out cool and would be interested in seeing everyone elses. Have fun. Not sure why WordPress likes adding these things so tiny, but if you just click on it the image will enlargen. The ever so handsome James McAvoy is in the center - and in my opinion, that’s all the reason to click and ogle.

And because I’m an idiot and didn’t post how to do one of these the first time, let me do so now. Again, I stole this list from Rebecca’s blog (link above). Thanks.

Here’s how it works:

a. Type your answer to each of the questions below into Flickr Search.

b. Using only the first page, pick an image.

c. Copy and paste each of the URLs for the images into fd’s mosaic maker. Choose 3 columns with 4 rows.

The Questions:

1. What is your first name?

2. What is your favorite food?

3. What high school did you go to?

4. What is your favorite color?

5. Who is your celebrity crush?

6. Favorite drink?

7. Dream vacation?

8. Favorite dessert?

9. What you want to be when you grow up?

10. What do you love most in life?

11. One Word to describe you.

12. Your flickr name. (kid version: favorite animal?)

Now let’s have some fun for a change, endo peeps!

No more cysts….

No more Mirena…

No more hormone surges driving me crazy…

Because on Sept. 23 my uterus and ovaries will be taken out of me and I will go through menopause.

I went to the Gyno this morning and it was decided that it’s time for the hysterectomy. I’m nervous. It’s understandable. But it feels like a new chapter openening. My hubby and I are trying to figure out how to manage the kids during my 6 week recovery. I’ll be in hospital for 2 days. I’ll have a lovely abdominal incision - oh great. But the prospect of no more endo pain makes me feel hopeful.

I gave in. It hurt too much. I had to.

When the pain reached a 3.5 out of 5 (my doc’s office uses a 5 point pain scale, don’t ask), I knew it was time to call them. I wasn’t expecting a miracle - or even an appointment. It was already 3 and they close at 4. And they were booked and couldn’t get me in but a nurse called me back at 4:30 and advised me with that high of pain I should be in ER. Not going to happen. But she said if I can manage at home over night, if the pain doesn’t intensify, then that’s ok. But if it’s get worse or changes, then go straight to the ER. And I will. I know better. Really, I do. But I will be going in at 9:50 tomorrow morning and have this cyst looked at. This should be fun - not.

Now I’m just trying to get through the night without going to the ER. Wish me luck. I just managed a slice of pizza and hoping it stays down. I’m so queasy and I know if it comes up that’s a sign I need to head to ER. This sucks major time.

I thought my cyst had burst this morning, but now I thinking maybe it hasn’t.

I was driving the car when I felt some pain by my ovary (nothing new lately) and then a very sharp pain in my right shoulder. This is usually a sign that it’s ruptured. Right? This is what I’ve been told in that past, at least.

Well, I assumed this and carried on my activities. But now I’m in PAIN! I’m talking time-to-pop-the-pain-pill pain and lay-in-bed-with-heating-pad pain. Ouch! My whole side and that ovary area hurt. I have this insane urgency to have a bowel movement. I’ve been nauseous since I woke up this morning.

My shoulder doesn’t hurt anymore - that was a transient thing that only bothered me for about 5 minutes. But it was so sharp that if it had in my left shoulder, my car would’ve been heading to the ER. Seriously.

I just wish the two kids running around my living room playing Indiana Jones were at their Aunts so I could lay down and try to sleep through this pain. It sucks. And I know going to the doctor is pointless as I already have pain meds and I don’t feel like getting an ultrasound to tell me what I already know.

But if it gets worse - I start throwing up, or the pain becomes unbearable, I’ll have the hubby take me to ER tonight. I just hope it doesn’t get to that point.

It was 3:45 and my daughter was at the edge of my bed: “Mommy, I don’t like my bed.”

Well, I wouldn’t either. It’s a bunk bed with a bunk bed mattress. It’s hard. You’re brother’s in there snoring and the cat wants to sleep on your feet. I understand. Just crawl in bed with me. At this point I don’t care.

But as I try to fall back asleep I realize that I am very, very nauseous. I could vomit, and now I have a kid blocking my easy access to the bathroom. Great. But I’m not sure why I feel so ill since I was perfectly fine when I went to sleep? Then I roll on to my back, to get into a more comfortable position, and it hits - the twinge.

If you get ovarian cysts, then you are surely familiar with “the twinge.” It’s that sudden stabbing pain that takes your breath away. It never last long, but leaves a trail of discomfort in the region. Yes, that “twinge.” I can cope with this while sitting at my desk at 4 in the afternoon or even 9 in the morning, but at 3:45 am when I’m trying to go back to lala land, not too well.

Instead of being lulled back into a nice rhythmic sleep, I laid there for the next hour or so with periodic stabs (in my left side because my right ovary must either be dead or it likes me too much to cause pain), and with this overwhelming feeling that I just needed to vomit. It was terrible. And I didn’t want to vomit - who does after all, but I couldn’t drink anything for another 3 hours because of my desmopressin. I couldn’t even get up to get a heating pad because I didn’t want to risk waking her back up. I was literally stuck between my daughter - who had one of my arms pinned down, and my husband - who was facing the wall totally oblivious that she had even come in there. And there I laid, cursing myself for letting her crawl in bed with me. If I had gotten up and put her back in her own bed, then I could’ve gotten my heating pad from the living room.

Eventually I fell asleep cause my husband woke me up at 7. And I’ve been nauseous all day. The twinges weren’t there this morning - thank goodness - but they’ve since come back this afternoon. Along with a headache and that “oh, I want to throw up” feeling. I tried to eat, thinking it was because I hadn’t eaten lunch, but the few crackers I got down made me feel worse.

I really, really, really, really hate ovarian cysts. And I’m really, really, really mad that I haven’t been cleared for that hysterectomy right now. Although, then I would probab;y just be waking up with hot flashes instead.