The Pain Game

It is easier to find men who will volunteer to die, than to find those who are willing to endure pain with patience. Julius Caesar

It’s late. Again.

I find myself in a familiar position – in pain. Tired. Unable to sleep because of the discomfort.

It’s been 4 days, roughly. Give or take an hour or two.

It started with bloating. Not mild bloating – the vague feeling that your pants are a bit too snug, or where you find yourself pondering, “what did I eat?” Bloating. Serious, granny tummy, doubled in size, “no ma’am, I’m not 5 months pregnant” bloating. And it’s vile.

My work trousersy were snug  so tight I couldn’t snap the three clasps, let alone zip the zipper. This was on Monday.

Meticulously, I watched what I ate. Nothing offensive – nothing that could bite me back later – entered my mouth. I swear!

Monday’s bloat turned into Pajama Bottom Tuesday. If it had a zipper, button, snap or clasp, it didn’t budge past my thighs.

Then there was pain.

Tuesday night I climbed into bed, a nasty bloat hanging in my tummy and now pelvic pain. As I pulled the covers to my chin, I was seized with an agonizingly sharp pain that ripped from the front of my pelvis to the sacrum. And it kept coming in waves, the after shocks leaving a mild ache in the left side. They felt like labor pains.

Pain the next day – mild.

Paint the next night – an encore of the Searing Pelvic Knife Dance featuring Madam Ovary and the” I need an Epidural band”.

It’s been a few days/night now. Last night, I was desperate. From the Chemist’s I snatched a bottle of magnesium citrate and chugged it.

Even after the vile, salty concoction worked, I am in pain. I am uncomfortable. My stomach is still BLOATED. 

And now… there is a central hardness near my belly button.

So again, tonight, I cannot sleep. I lay here, with the laptop light comforting me. It provides very little, though.

I’m playing the Pain Game. And I seriously want to win it and NEVER play again.

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4 responses to “The Pain Game

  1. I am so sorry you are suffering through so much pain. I pray it eases for you soon x

  2. just awsome….feeling same problem : (

  3. I’m sorry to hear about your pain! Living like that is a veritable nightmare. When will someone really figure this shit out?!

    I read some of your earlier posts about the “fainting” episodes and I’m curious if you ever figured anything out about them? I’ve been having them for years, but they’ve gotten worse as my endo and PCOS have gotten worse. I thought they stopped, but a bad one hit last night and now I’m terrified that they’re back again. Its been theorized that it is a vaso vagal response to pain – who knows on that one, entirely possible, but really? Thats it? I have a hunch that it has something to do with chemical sensitivities… as though my body is rejecting something that it is exposed to so it shuts down.

    I’m just strangely relieved – though sad for you – to know that someone else has experienced the same thing. So any advice or knowledge you could share would be greatly appreciated! Doctors don’t seem to be giving me much of an answer! Hope you’re feeling better, and THANK YOU for sharing your stories!

    • Sarah, thanks for reading and commenting. As to the fainting, these stem from a condition I have called dysautonomia. This is fault in my autonomic nervous system – the system that controls all involuntary body functions (heart rate, blood pressure, respiration, etc).

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