Video

Lily Allen – Who’d have known

It’s 5 2 o’clock in the morning… This pain is getting boring… I should be bed soon… but I’m not sneaking to my bedroom… so I thought I would just wait here… while I wipe up my tears…

Alright. You’ve called my bluff. That is not the words to Lilly Allen’s first verse.

It is how I feel. There is a symptom – a serious one –  that doctors don’t inform their patients about when they receive an invisible illness diagnosis. Isolation.

Thanks for the Internet, and all the glorious blogs, chat room, forums, and Facebook and Twitter, we don’t have to feel alone all the time. But when we are in pain, it is easy to hide back into our turtle shell. No one can tell us how the pain should feel, or even if pain indeed exists. Under our shells, we can quietly deal with our pain.

Doing so, though, makes the isolation deeper. That’s never a good thing.

Right now, I feel a cloud of isolation and desolation hovering over me. The ominous presence mocking the parts of me that want to be happy. That want to enjoy life as other people do who are pain-free.

Right now I want to sleep. I can’t.

Right now I want to be in dream land. I’m not. 😦

At least there is YouTube and endless of “get your butt in a better mood, girl” music. It’s not working very well right now, though.

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5 responses to “Lily Allen – Who’d have known

  1. Endochick,

    Sadly, isolation is a common feeling for many people with chronic pain (not to mention people experiencing insomnia!)

    Just know that you always know how to track me down! 😉

    Jeanne

  2. It is strangely coincideicidal that you mentioned lily allen in your blog. I had heard of her many times but never her music itself. I downloade two of her songs about forty eight hours ago. I have being following your blog since at least a yr ago maybe yr and a half. I have stage four endo. My periods a few days late but this morning worst cramps ever. No blood yet only pain. Your words really ring true to me today as always. I was diagnosed with ovarian cyst first about six yrs back. Then i had a lap followed by pelviscopry. Then they said most likely we would never have kids. I found out on halloween i was pregnant only to miscarry twelve days later. I had one period sine then now this month i am late but in pain. Endo sucks. But endochick you are a hero. To the cause of silent suffering women everywhere.

  3. I just happen to stumble upon your blog as I lie in bed crying and vomiting from the pain. I have stage 4 endometriosis with adhesions that have reached my bladder and bowel. I was diagnosed at age 20 and had my first surgical procedure at 21, and my second at 28. Now, after 15 years of suffering, 1 ectopic pregnancy, and 5 miscarriages, I wonder if it worth it. I am currently in the hunt for a specialist due to my regular doctor saying that she doesn’t think she can help & she’s not going to. Any tips on how to find a good doctor? The one’s that I have been to want to focus on the infertility. I just want to feel better first…then I can think about children. Thank you for making me feel not so isolated!

    • Danielle –

      Unfortunately, I can’t offer any doctors. This depends on your location. I would suggest you contact Gyno offices in your area and ask if they have experience with endometriosis, how much, and what approaches they take. Then I would try doctors until you find one you are comfortable with. Also, try Googling “endometriosis Gynocologist [insert your area]”.

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