The other half

As those with chronic conditions can understand, when you have a chronic condition (or multiple – even when they are well controlled) you rely on your support system. Whether this is family or friends, or your significant other, it doesn’t matter. Often, there is someone in the universe you lean on for support of some kind.

My other half is that steady rock I lean on. Sometimes – I realize – too much. But still, he’s there through the worst. Up until recently, my other half has had the type of job that’s pretty steady 8-5, M-F, desk, seldom a surprise. If I need him, I know he’ll be there.

But last month he was sent away on business. I realized in the short time he was gone that I didn’t eat right or sleep right the whole time he was away. And now he will be leaving again, for a longer business trip this go around. I fear the worst.

What happens if my blood pressure falls so low I lose consciousness? Or I have a seizure? Or I get sick and can’t care for myself easily? If those around me are not available, and he’s away, what are my options?

I hate these contingency plans chronic illness forces me to create! I HATE IT! In my mind I have lists upon lists of what-do-if waiting to be called upon if some health crisis occurs. And I can’t stand that. Especially when, from the outside, I look normal. And on my best days, I have the energy of 3 women my age. It’s frustrating.

The next couple weeks are going to be miserable as I try to balance way too many things – while trying to remember to do basic functions like eat. I would go all evening and realize I hadn’t had eaten since lunch. And when you eat dinner at 10 pm you don’t sleep at 10:30, now do you?

But I will manage. Somehow. And hopefully the time will fly.


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