Endometriosis is an invisible chronic illness. It’s invisible because it’s internal; it affects our inner most organs, our ovaries, uterus, fallopian tubes, and pelvic cavity. It can slither around to our bowels and invade our bodies – a noxious, vile demon on a painful destructive warpath. And the only outward signs we have to show the world of our illness are our laparoscopic scars and tears. If we’re lucky, we find a wonderful surgeon who can remove the tissue and place us on a treatment that successfully keeps it at bay, giving us relief for sometimes years at a time. But there is no cure, and we know this. Oh, how we know this.
And too often we may find ourselves curled up on our couches in the middle of the night, crying into our throw pillows, hugging heating pads to our tender stomachs desperately waiting for the pain medicine to work. Too often, some of us bleed ourselves into anemic conditions, requiring even more medication to make us feel normal. And all of this – this surviving with an invisible chronic illness that no one else but those who have it, is exhausting.
Because our husbands, our boyfriends, and even our non-endo friends, cannot relate to our pain, we can sometimes feel isolated by it. The pain from endometriosis and the side effects from hormonal medications can wreak havoc on our careers and relationships; and the surgeries, which can sometimes be many and costly, cost us to lose work, lost time from loved ones and daily activities, and possible social stigma. The only ones who truly understand how someone with endometriosis feels is someone else who has endometriosis.
As someone who has endometriosis and has had it for years, I find that I am getting an increased number of searches for “endometriosis suicide” and “endometriosis and suicide” very alarming. Never should your pain be so bleak that you feel your only way out is through suicide. If you, or someone you know, is considering suicide (because of endometriosis pain or any other reason), PLEASE seek help! The number to call is: 1-800-SUICIDE
When I was a teenager my cousin committed suicide. She left no letter and no reason. But it wouldn’t have matter if she had. The devastation left in the wake of her suicide left holes in the hearts of many family members who still cannot look at her picture without tearing up – and it’s been over ten years.
That is why I am writing this post today to urge anyone searching “endometriosis suicide” to seek help. Anyone who believes the pain is so intense they can no longer live with it – call 1-800-SUICIDE. If you’re newly diagnosed with endometriosis and fear you will never have children, do not lose hope! There are many women with endometriosis who are not infertile. But, if you have endometriosis and have struggled with infertility and are losing hope, please check out these resources:
RESOLVE – Stepping Stones – ASRM: Mental Health Professional Search
SUICIDAL THOUGHTS OR TENDENCIES: CALL 1-800-SUICIDE